Friends

Like usual I texted K a week ago suggesting a get together and asking her what would she like for her birthday. I have known K ever since year 8..many years ago..1985??

For years now we have get togethers when one of us have our birthday..the others would buy a small pressie each..and arrange for lunch..and a cake..then the kids came along and it just got too hard so we end up having lunch at each other's house..since all of my kids are older it was just easier for me to drive to K's place..

Was thinking jeez K was taking awhile to let me know what she would like for her birthday..usually she's quite prompt..after all she's a doctor and thus very organised..that was plan A..my plan B would be just to buy her a scarf..or an accessory that she can wear out..

This afternoon I received a text from K..V..if you haven't gotten me anything could you please get me some undies? something that's pretty but practical ? She made me laugh with her request..so I texted back..pretty doesn't go with practical? but I'll hunt around..then another beep..another text..she's replied..pretty that I can wear daily..not just in the bedroom..ummmm

I nearly fell off my chair from laughing so hard..she's caught me off guard..I thought undies are personal? may be she's comfortable with me since we've been friends for so long to make that request ? or may be I have good taste? hehehe

Problem is I am like her..I don't have any pretty undies that's practical..I have no nonsense boring Bonds undies that I wear daily..I love them as they are cotton and are very comfortable..then I have the sexy G strings that I wear in the bedroom when I am in the mood..lol..not that I wear them that often..I only wear them so hubby can have fun taking them off me..

Anyhow..guess will have to spend one day in Westfield to shop around for her..might take hubby's advice..his solution..buy her a pair of edible undies..pretty and practical..men..

The Scent

He came to meet me at the airport..my first impression of him was..jeez how slack..he had shorts on..a singlet..a sport jacket and sandals..I don't think he's ever dressed like this before..unless my memory is wrong..then he told me he has been sick all week..that might explain it..

I took a look at him..he's very tanned..skinny..and well not the Y I remembered..he's aged..the slim look didn't suit him..I prefer my men with a bit of meat on them..

when we finally checked in he asked me if he could come up to my room..sure I said..what happened happened..like usual we made love..I cuddled him yet my arms felt half empty..I tried to smell him yet his scent wasn't there..the scent that drove me nuts years ago..the scent that I was addicted to..it was gone..

I felt sad after he was gone..sad that I was wrong..the obsession the craziness the jealousy I felt years ago was not there anymore..I do care for him like he for me..but that's all it is..we are friends..with benefits..but other than that there's no "love" no magic..no feelings..

I knew when we made love I made love to him like I did the other times..but that feeling of wanting to touch him..wanting to be near him has dissipated..why? I don't know..I don't know how it disappeared..is it because when we know someone so well we get disappointed in them? is it because romantic love doesn't last?

I do not know the answer to that question for I fall in love too easy..and then fall out of love as easy as when I fell in..I do not trust my heart anymore..for it is as fickle as they come..

In the end..may be I did make the right choice..my guy still makes me laugh after 23 years..things happen for a reason..and lately they all point to him..that he is the man worthy of my love..

Full circle

I was looking forward to some time away..as usual I booked an interstate seminar as an excuse to get away..after a day I was sick of it..had to admit first time I missed him and the kids..funny how I would never think there would be a day when I would feel like this..may be I don't really need time out anymore..
I also met up with Y ..he was kind enough to meet me at the airport..he took a lot of trouble to get there which tells me he cares..12 years later we still talk..somehow he wasn't so dashing like 12 years ago..we didn't have much in common..just talked about our lives..today confirmed again yes we are better as friends..
All in all it has turned a full circle..I am back with H for good..better go give him a ring..:)

It all started

with the trip..he wanted to go to Hong Kong and South Korea this September..and since we've been to Japan I have been worried it will be the same..travelling on trains..buses with 3 kids and heavy luggages..so yesterday after lunch I sneaked out to go window shopping..came back with 3 luggages..

I knew he'd be upset because I spent his money..I always think of it as his money and not mine..the business is ours but he works there..he's built it up..

We were walking tonight and he asked me.. you spent 2.7K? for the luggages? He must have looked at the retail price..we have half a dozen under the house why buy more?

these are better..they have 4 wheels..and they are lighter..we can pack more stuff in..as if I went out and spent 2.7K ..only bought them for a little over half the price..they are good quality..they will last us trips after trips..getting sick of the old luggages..lugging them around was hard work as they only had 2 tiny wheels and they were the heavy hard case ones..

anyhow so listened to him whinged about how I cost him too much money..feels like it's my fault..it's not like I spent it on myself..jewellery..make up..hand bags..clothes..not into those things..I spent for the family..and it's not like I am sitting around doing nothing..I am helping out at the business..if he had to pay me for my hours it would be heaps..

that's why I hate staying at home..and most of all I hate spending his money..why do I have to justify what I have bought? :(

Lucky

I was talking to a friend the other day..after hearing me whinge about how bored I am she said be happy with what you've got..you've got more than a lot of others..then she confided in me about one of her friends..her husband left his well earning job to pursue another career..not doing very well thus he's hardly earning anything which meant she's stuck in a high pressure job..scared to resign as they can't make ends meet on one income..and not only that they've got young ones..

Reality check..yes I am indeed lucky..counting my blessings..the biggest of all is if I need extra sleep I can always sleep in..no need to go into work if I don't want to..the kids are getting older each day..more  independent..money wise hubby earns enough..which means if I am bored I can go shopping..not that it excites me..I only shop on a need to need basis..

BUT.. BUT.. BUT..how to get rid of this boredom ? I want something that would stimulate me..stimulate my brains..some days I feel like I am losing it..losing my mind..I haven't felt excited about anything of late..everything feels like a chore..what happened to the V8 ? at the moment I feel like a 4 cylinder..or even a push bike..sluggish..no oomph..

Men..

I am still fuming..it all started last year..our daughter is doing VCE this year..her year 11 and 12..so last year when she had to choose subjects I actually had to sit down with her to choose..her dad won't have anything to do with it citing it is too hard for him..

All I said to her was the core subjects need to be Maths, English and Chemistry and the other 2 can be anything she wants..

She wanted Studio Arts..in the end I talked her into doing visual arts as it is also a portfolio subjects with more flexibility for her to choose where she wanted to go after high school..

All was settled..she chose food technology or cooking as her 6th..then the beginning of this year she changed her mind..I thought she has chosen Studio Arts..no..she went and chose Physics..and of course now it is too hard..

I tried to make an appointment with her teacher yesterday..nope..no luck so I got her to go to the office to make it...she came out rang me..I can't swap till May..told her a few times to go make the appointment..as I wanted to talk to her teacher to see what is going on..she saw no point in making the appointment..I had to practically nearly scream at her ..I don't care I need to talk to your teacher so go do it..

Then came home asked her which subjects she wanted to swap..and need to make up her mind which one she wants to do..and tell me before she leaves for school..this morning mum I want to do Studio Arts..

Went to see her teacher..running late..I left very early..no car park..drove around 3-4 rounds in the end parked very far away and walked in..got into the office on time only to answer a call from her teacher..told her I was at the school please come and grab me..

Told her teacher what has happened..she showed me the slip..it turned out hubby signed for it..to let her change to Physics..I could wring both of their necks..in the end she could only swap Physics for Biology, Psychology or Classical History..oh well serves her right for mucking about..as Studio Arts is all full..

I rang hubby to tell him what's happening..his reply..I can't see any problem with swapping..men..doesn't he realise by swapping she's got to catch up on a month's worth of work for both subjects? ..

I am still fuming..there goes no more TV no more laptops..no more iPhone for her..from now on she has better head down bum up and study..I have had enough of this fiasco..can still feel my BP rising..argggggggg

Sydney

Every year I would choose a seminar in Sydney to have a mini break..a mini break from family life more than anything..this year is no different.

I have made arrangements to meet up with Y..we have lost contact for a few years now as I don't frequent the music chat rooms where I know him from..looking forward to see him again..

He's someone I have been seeing on and off for more than a decade now..at this stage of our lives we are more friends than lovers..to put it precisely friends with benefits..

We tend to meet each other here and there when I go up to Sydney or when he comes down to Melbourne..there might be a few years in between and thus when we see each other we automatically pick up from where we last dropped off..

Funny thing is it's like one of those movies..where a girl meet a guy can't be together..and so they bump into each other here and there..catch up on each other's life..and then off they go again back to their normal life..that's what we are..we are like railway tracks that runs parallel to each other but can never be together..

Ex

Mấy tháng bận rộn ..thấy anh im ru tôi cũng im ru ..giờ người ta có một hạnh phúc mới thì mình cũng lịch sự chút ..

Hôm nọ ngạc nhiên thấy anh gửi sms ..anh viết ..khi nào rảnh gọi cho anh ..tôi gọi hỏi thăm ..anh bảo anh đang bệnh ..bệnh cũ phát lại ..đang uống steroid..anh khoe anh đang sửa nhà ..sửa cái garage để cho hai thằng con trai của L ở ..vì giờ rổ giá cặp lại thành tới 5 đứa con ..nhà thì có 3 phòng ngủ ..anh bảo anh và L một phòng, con gái L một phòng ..khi nào hai đứa con anh về thì chung phòng còn lại ..

Anh than dạo này L bệnh quá ..cứ ngủ hoài ..việc thì anh gánh hết vì giờ L không làm thì anh phải làm thôi ..mà sao L lên ký quá ..

Anh kể cho tôi nghe về B ..vợ cũ của anh ..anh bảo B giờ có job ..đi làm lại ..hôm nọ B gọi báo anh biết họ đã bỏ nhau 1 năm ..anh..thấm thoát nay đã một năm nhanh quá ..

Tôi cũng kể cho anh nghe ..chuyện gia đình con cái ..nhà nghỉ mát ..anh bảo khi nào đi xuống dọn dẹp nhà nghỉ mát thì ghé sở cũ bốc anh đi theo cho anh coi nhà ..

Nghĩ cũng vui cho anh ..một hạnh phúc mới ..nhưng với bao lo toan ..không biết anh có sẽ chán L không vì nghe anh kể thì sao L giờ hơi giống vợ cũ của anh ..ngồi đó chẳng làm gi` ..càng ngày càng mập ra ..

Tôi khuyên anh nên nghỉ ngơi chắc vì sress quá mà bệnh cũ phát lại..ngoài ra đi làm anh còn sửa nhà ..rồi nợ nần ngập đầu ngập cổ ..

Lâu rồi tôi không có ghé thăm sở cũ ..vì ghé thăm về buồn hơn ..cũng như G ..cũng cả năm không xuống ăn lunch với anh ..cứ hẹn mà chẳng xuống ..có lẽ vì tôi muốn anh quên tôi ..vui với người mới ..khi nào họ đã gắn bó tôi xuống cũng không muộn ..cũng như tôi không muốn xáo động vết thương ..

hồi đó quen nhau chơi với nhau làm bạn ..rồi làm người yêu ..tôi tưởng tôi đã mặc áo giáp cho con tim ..mà sao lúc chia tay vẫn đau ..đau hơn là tôi tưởng ..tôi thương anh ..nhưng không thương đủ để làm lại với anh ..anh cần một người để làm lại cuộc đời ..

Và giờ thì vẫn làm bạn của nhau ..anh bảo tôi là mỗi lần anh stress..rối đầu ..tôi là người đã gỡ rối cho anh ..nói chuyện với tôi xong là anh thấy khoẻ lại ..nhiều nghị lực hơn..