An Easy Life

I do not think such a life exists..we are all given a life that is challenging..for some it might be a poor life..materialistically challenged..for others like me a life mentally tortured..lol..

Who ever is responsible for predetermining our lives is very fair..he or she gives one bit and takes the next away..

I would like to think that is the case..for it makes living much more bearable..

I know friends and family envy me for having an easy life...they don't know how wrong they are..they don't know how I struggle to get up every day..how I forget stuff so it takes me twice as long to do something..how I am such a dud that sometimes the kids do stuff for me..

so if I ever forget your birthday..or don't turn up it is never intentionally..it is just I plain
forgot..or if it feels like I am neglecting you I am not..for I haven't yet gotten around to you as yet because I might be in a heap..trying to get up..

and as for trying to get help..no I do not want any..I just want to be left alone to deal with it..I have lived with it for 40 something odd years I do know how to deal with it..the highs are not so high now..the lows are not so low..just a life of flat lines..for knowing how to cope with it means I have to force myself to be more disciplined..to not splurge on my spurts of energy..to conserve..but then the down side..a life less emotionally interesting...

The difficult bit is I do not want to accept this life..I know there is more to life..wish I had enough stimulation to bring the highs on again..and yes I am sick of flat liners..

if I had one wish it would be a high so high that it would be worth it to fall flat in a heap again..lol.