Scent

Imagine living with someone who knows when you leave the house..when you're back..if you took the car or the train..and most of all he knows your scent like a drug dog..can tell when it's not your scent..can tell when you're lying..

For someone like me who treasure her freedom..it is hellish..especially now that he knows about my blog..I resent the fact that there's nothing that belongs to me anymore..

Even though I am an extrovert..part of me I want to keep for me..I don't want to share it with him..I don't want him to know everything..it's not secrets..it's just important for me that I have that space..I can't explain it..

It's like I can spend my whole day with colleagues..patients.. talking..laughing away and I am fine..but once my work day is over I want to be by myself..just absorbing in the surrounds..the humming of the fridge..just to hear myself think..just to be with me..I don't need no one else..I am contented with just my company.

Once I can do that then I am happy to go out and face the world and all of its craziness again..

I used to want him..wanted him to know me.. to understand who I am..now I don't..because it feels like after 24 years together he still doesn't know me..yes he may know my scent or when I am telling fibs..but he still doesn't know me..we will forever be on different wavelengths.