Can't decide

I have two choices..either to remain his wife or be his friend..he doesn't want me to leave as he still loves me and still wants to care for me..he said I am the love of his life and he doesn't want anyone else..

The agreement is that our lives go on as normal..except for intimacies..ie no sex..

I have thought long and hard and still can't decide..the second option is the one I want to choose..that way I can roam freely without the guilt of cheating and still be able to look after him and the kids..

the first option is okie too as I think we still love each other enough to go on and grow old together..what I am worried about is me..I am scared to bits of being roped in..nowhere to move..I have stayed married to him all these years because I have lead a double life..now to go back to one life I don't know if I can do it..

you know they say if your want it bad enough you'd do anything? I don't know if I want it bad enough? that's the problem..

his last words to me..if you keep on gambling with your heart..one day you'll lose all that you love..

Sugar Daddy

Last night we had dinner..another fancy restaurant..right next to the ocean..beautiful scenery..the food was amazing..the wines perfect..he wined and dined me to the max..throughout he night he made me offers a girl can't refuse..choose a destination and he will take me away with him..business class of course not the cattle class..and enjoy life he'd said..

I was half drunk..I laughed and replied but you are surrounded by pretty girls..why me? and your wife is most beautiful..he made it known he only wanted me..

The thing that stayed with me til this morning was that does money bring happiness? and can it buy affection? love? ..

In his case it does..endless traveling..eating at top restaurants drinking expensive wines and spirits..

As for love? I don't know..I think he's looking for a companion..someone to spoil with dinners..wines..trips..shopping

I am still shocked that he's chosen me..as for me? nope..I'd never considered myself to be anyone's kept woman..though tempting as it is lol..

I wanted to pay for dinner..when the bill came he insisted..my 2 days pay..that's what it has amounted to..

He rang me later to make sure I was home safe..he then asked if when he's in the country again would he be able to take me to dinner again?

Ummm how does one decline? lol..