Numb..

I heard the news this morning on my way to work..yet it didn't sink in as I didn't know the name..Got into work and well the name floated in conversations..to me it was just a name of an unknown person..

until I came home..googled the name..and then it hits me..he's one of my favourite actors around..why did I not remember his name ? I liked him because he was real..

He made millions laughed yet he could not make himself laugh..I can't begin to know what it is like..yet I've been there..in that dark place where I felt I had no allies...just enemies..where close family members suggested I go on meds..they must think that the drugs would magically fix the problem..all the Zoloft of this world cannot treat the stigma..why do we treat the symptoms and not the cause?

When they suggested it to me I got real upset..angry at them for not wanting to know what's going on with me..I felt betrayed by those closest to me..yes she's not doing too good let give her the quick fix..did they ever think of the side effects? or the reason?

8/10/14

cont.
I have never taken meds..I have always dealt with it my own way..long walks..surrounds myself with happy people..laughter..music..

I know it comes and go..I can sort of know when I start to slip..the tears would start rolling..the hopelessness of it all..today is one of those days..I am starting to slip..the world grey and murky..my bed is comforting..I don't want to get up..I have not much energy to face this crazy world..

How can you understand ? when you have never felt it?