Europe

From very early on in our marriage I hinted that I would like to go to Europe one day..we didn't on our honeymoon for he was the only one working..I was fresh out of college..and we had bought a house a week just before we got married..thus we did not have the money..or the time..

Years went by..first the house..then the business..then the kids..there was never a time to go..

The other night on the way home in the car..as usual we caught up on each other's thoughts..I asked him where he wanted to go..as we are planning to go away in the school holidays..he told me to book Hong Kong and Korea..I jokingly said you know it's our 20th next year..do I get to see Europe for our 20th? that was then that he changed his tone of voice..why does it have to be our 20th? don't pin it on me..if you want to go then plan it..but you don't want to? I don't want to spend 2 days of flying to spend only a few days there..how am I suppose to plan it when we only ever go away for 2 weeks? and so it began..we ended up fighting..I ended up in tears..

All I could think of was no he doesn't want to go..and no..you will never get to see Europe unless you go by yourself..it wasn't the fact that I want to go to Europe that much..for you see I have equated taking me to Europe as a loving thing to do..you know when you love someone a lot..you try to find out  what they like and you do it for them as a surprise..well guess he doesn't love me that much..for he doesn't care that I have waited 20 years for it..

Went to bed crying..couldn't stop..it hurts that he doesn't love me enough to take me to Europe..didn't want to sleep next to him..so I inched my way all the way to the furthest side of my side of the bed..he didn't bother to console me..all he said was come over..we need to talk..as if I was going to roll over..he made me cried..

Woke up crying still..he wanted to talk again..and again I didn't want to..got up..gave him the silent treatment..he knew I was really upset..for I am usually yapping away all the time..

Later on he came to make a peace offering..we will go after the oldest finishes her VCE..Year 12..which is next year..so we won't be able to go till 2014..we will see..I am not holding my breath...
all he's been talking about lately is getting an investment house...saw him working on his letter..to apply or more nursing homes..all I could feel is dread in my tummy..more commitment..less Europe..zilch Europe is more like it..