Me and Him

I did not know how to make him understand..that it is not emotional..that it is purely physical..until one night..

I watched him as I'm sure he'd watched me..afterwards I sensed there was something different between us..instead of tearing us apart it has brought us closer..I sensed he understood at last..

I had gambled on our relationship and I'd won for now..

Our marriage started out traditional..it has twisted and turned..and now it is what it is..it's a marriage..not in the traditional sense..but it works..so why not? we still fight like any old married couple..that's probably as close as it gets..

Loving Someone (cont.)

Losing J I'd thought I would never get myself back together again..and yet I did..

J captured my heart wholely in one move..he's put me first..and that moved me..shook me to the core..I had already fallen for him the first time we met without even knowing it..subsequent meetings made it much harder..I was a goner ..

Here We Go Again

Yes.. same old same old..we have reverted to being friends. Not sure how long this phase will last. Last time it only lasted weeks. It was great as we talked more, grew closer, then we actually believed it would work so back we went as man and wife. I'd missed the intimacy and so did he.

And you guessed it..same old same old. I think we treated each other better as friends, the sexual tension is there and sex was definitely better. Being friends he doesn't assert his sexual needs on me and in turn I don't resent him and thus more happy to surrender.

But somehow that is lost when we are man and wife.

A Double Life

The other day I met up with one of my oldest friends..we've known each other since we were in Girl Guides? pre-teen? and yet now in our 40s we've only grown closer after seeing each other nude in the onsen..how funny is that? it's like all the years apart melted away..she moved overseas when I had my oldest..my oldest just turned 19..

She shared with me what she's kept for the last year..due to circumstance she had to keep it hidden from everyone..in doing so she confided how she had felt guilty about keeping it from us..her friends..
One thing lead to the other and all my secrets came tumbling out.. I was much worse than her..I've kept mine for decades..

She asked for my reason for hiding mine..I replied..for one you're Catholic..what has that got to do with it? I paused..no..that's not the main reason..I didn't want your image of me..of us ruined..She asked me why share now? I can't remember what I'd said..I remembered her eyes..the look she gave me..and it was time after all..

She..guess we were both living a double life..to think you guys are one of the most proper couples that I know..others read about it or watch it..you act it out..

All afternoon she was like and I thought my life was complicated..at least I made her felt better that her life is not that complicated..mine is a million times worse..all of my own doing of course..

I kind of wonder what she think of me now? I hope by the time we meet next.. it has all digested..for decades of secrets is a lot to take in..but then decades of friendship outweighs them any day..